Giving And Taking - Prevent Yourself From Getting Involved In Another Stressful And Codependent Romantic Relationship

Takers and caretakers - they frequently seem to locate one another! As a counselor who has worked with relationships for 37 years, I can tell you that this is the most frequent relationship dynamic that I encounter.

Takers are people that tend to be narcissistic - that is, they are self-centered with an excessive desire for attention and admiration.

The taker tries to control getting love, attention, acceptance or sex from other people with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. The taker uses several forms of both overt and covert control to get the attention he or she desires.

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Takers not only want lots of control, but are typically afraid of being controlled and turn out to be overtly or covertly resistant to doing what someone else wants them to do.

The taker might resist with denial, defending, procrastination, rebellion, irresponsibility, indifference, disengagement, deadness, numbness, rigidity, and/or incompetence.

Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to care for the needs and wants of other individuals, even when other individuals are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to other people from fear rather than love - they give to get.

Romantic relationships and marital relationships are not easy. No matter how perfect a relationship is, you and your sweetheart are bound to hit some bumps in the road.

Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their very own feelings and well being.

Takers generally attempt to have control over others' giving them the attention and affection they want in overt ways, while caretakers try to have control over receiving approval in more covert ways, like compliance, doing too much for others, and/or withholding their wants and opinions.

Because neither takers nor caretakers are caring for themselves, they will each end up feeling angry, resentful, confined, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misinterpreted, and/or unacknowledged.

I tell my clientele that whenever they really feel this way in a relationship, it is because they are expecting the other individual to give them what they are not giving to themselves.

When we are not seeing, valuing, acknowledging, or even understanding ourselves, and when we're not attending to our personal desires and needs, we will always feel upset when other individuals treat us just like we are treating ourselves.

Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker as well as a caretaker - will often run into problems. Most people leave these relationships, only to discover exactly the same problems in their next relationships.

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Takers and caretakers can switch places in different relationships and over different matters, but the problems remain exactly the same - anger, resentment, distance, insufficient sexuality, boredom, feeling unloved and being unloving.

There really is a strategy to heal this.

Relationships heal when individuals heal. When each partner does their inner work - for instance practicing the Inner Bonding process that we teach (Visit the Inner Bonding website for a free course) - their romantic relationship system heals.

This really is the mystery method to handling your love life. Quit ruining your relationships by utilizing the annihilation method. Inner peace, self-confidence and resources like double your dating by david deangelo are great ways to do your inner work and assume responsibility for your love life.

The substantial use of social network sites and online dating sites is being more and more popular. They use it to meet new people and to stay close to people who share a common fascination.

Learning ways to take100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in developing a healthy relationship.

Your feelings result from how you treat yourself and other individuals, from what you tell yourself and what you think about yourself and others, rather than from others behavior.

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