Anniversary Blues - Stop Controlling Each Other, Use Proper Interaction, And Assume Responsibility For Your Own Actions

Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their early thirties. In spite of loving one another deeply, they often find themselves in conflict over seemingly minor issues, as most couples do.

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Recently, just one week before their wedding anniversary, they had a particularly upsetting argument. Jamie had expressed her disappointment about Kurt's busy schedule and the limited time he finds to invest with her.

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As usual, Kurt said he would to try harder and they got through it. But having not dealt with the real issues at hand, the problem was bound to resurface.

"Kurt, I just wanted to help remind you that next week is our anniversary and it's really important that we organize something special for us."

Kurt took a deep breath and answered, "Jamie, you know I don't really like celebrations."

"Oh come on Kurt. It's really important to me." Jamie responds, nearly pleading.

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Silent and distant, Kurt gave a little nod, which was all the assurance Jamie needed that this anniversary would be exceptional.

Finally, that day arrived! Kurt had agreed to come home by six o clock. By twenty past six, Jamie was anxious. With each glance at the clock, her pacing quickened. At last, Kurt walked through the door looking tense and clutching some red roses.

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Jamie took the roses with a wary smile, anticipating what was coming next. Without even a glance, Kurt turned around, got a beer out of the fridge, and sank on the couch, grabbing the remote control.

"That's it? It's our anniversary!" Jamie's tone grew sharp. "You said you would plan something special and romantic and this..." shaking the red roses in her clenched fist, "this is it?"

Without a word, Kurt turned off the TV and left the house.

In order to have an understanding of how things went so wrong, we need to look at the interaction with regards to their intention to learn or their intention to protect.

Jamie starts out trying to control Kurt by making him feel guilty. Kurt, not wanting to be controlled and not in a position to communicate how being controlled makes him feel, moves into resistance, which can be his form of control.

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Jamie thinks that putting on more guilt (control) will accomplish her goal to have a romantic anniversary. Sound familiar?

Instead of each person taking full responsibility for his or her own contentment and unhappiness, they gave that job to each other.

The act of taking responsibility has nothing to do with blame or fault. Every single person taking full responsibility takes away the need to be right and that is an essential step to a mature and reasonable outcome.

If you've been in this rut which led to a break up and don't want it to happen again, learn how to attract females that are much more compatible with you. You can get tips on how to attract females on the web. If you don't want to attract females, take time off to figure out what your responsibilities are in your next romantic relationship.

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